On Letting Go.

Last week I went and saw Celeste and Jesse Forever in the theater by myself. I do that sometimes, so there’s no need to feel sorry for me. This movie was really fascinating, because even though it was marketed as an indie dramedy, it struck me as a potent case study in breaking up and letting go. A brief synopsis: Celeste (Rashida Jones) and Jesse (Andy Samberg) have been married for six years, but as they both approach 30, Celeste decides that they should get divorced. All of their friends are weirded out because even after being separated for six months, Celeste and Jesse still live together and hang out together all the time as if getting divorced wasn’t a big deal, to which they reply that they’re still best friends even though their marriage is over, and why shouldn’t they still hang out? That line of thinking works great until Jesse starts dating another woman pretty seriously, at which point Celeste struggles to hide her palpable jealousy and starts questioning whether or not she made a mistake in asking for a divorce. Much drama and hilarity ensue.

Maybe this wasn’t the intention of the filmmakers at all, but throughout the entirety of the film, the question that kept returning to the forefront of my mind was “Why is it so hard to let go?” In the beginning of the film, we see Jesse struggle to let go of the slim possibility that Celeste will change her mind and call off the divorce, and once he starts dating someone else, Celeste can’t let go either, even though she’s the one who wanted a divorce in the first place. Are we all crazy people for not being able to let go? Yes and no, probably. Obviously I am no expert on such things, but watching my friends go through break-ups and surviving a monster break-up myself, there are certain things I’ve observed that seem particularly Truthy.

One, change is hard for a lot of people, and even more than that, oftentimes it’s even harder to accept the permanence of the decisions you make that act as a catalyst for change. When you break-up with someone or divorce someone, usually that decision lasts forever. But what if you made the wrong decision? What if your life with this person is as good as it’s going to get? What if you never love another person as much as you love this person, or worse, what if you never find another person who loves you like this person does? If that turns out to be true, then you will have no one to blame but yourself, and no one wants to have to live with the knowledge that they have ruined their own life. When Celeste starts second-guessing herself and her decision to get divorced, she turns into a crazy person who does crazy desperate things in an attempt to hold onto the relationship that she’s afraid will slip out of her grasp. Why not just let go? Because letting go is forever, and the reality of forever is scary.

Two, there is a comfort in the familiarity of a relationship that is hard to imagine living without. When you’re with someone for a long time, you take for granted how much of your life is shared and how much your significant other informs your identity, and then when you break up, you have to rediscover who you are as an individual and relearn how to live your life alone. I can tell you from experience, that is the worst. And if that thought alone isn’t enough to keep you hanging on, just think about the agony of jumping back into dating again. Early in the movie when one of Jesse’s friends tells him he should start dating, Jesse says “Maybe I just don’t want to start over with someone new.” Years of work go into the foundation of a lasting relationship, from allowing yourself to truly know (and be known by) another person to accumulating layers of memories and inside jokes and shared experience, and when that relationship ends, it feels like all that work was for nothing. The mere thought of starting from square and attempting such an intensive and laborious undertaking with another person seems a positively insurmountable task.

Strangely enough, as I was driving home from this movie, “Boys of Summer” by Don Henley came on the radio, which, aside from being truly one of the greatest songs ever (D HEN 4 LYFE), is an amazingly poignant song about the struggle to let go. The song begins with imagery that reflects the speaker’s aloneness, from “empty lakes, empty streets” to “the sun goes down alone,” and then launches into that heartbreaking line “I’m driving by your house / though I know you’re not home.” He knows that “those days are gone forever” and that he should just let them go, but in spite of himself, he’s living in memories, not simply remembering but seeing his ex’s “brown skin shining in the sun” and her way of “walking real slow and / smiling at everyone.” It’s such a beautiful song, and it totally puts a lump in my throat every time I hear it.

It also, I think, hammers home the point that much of the difficulty of letting go is a signifier of real care. It wouldn’t be so hard to do if the person or relationship you’re trying to let go of didn’t mean something you. It’s like the five steps of the grieving process: you have to mourn, to work through your anger and fear and confusion, to honor what was once but is no longer, and accept the loss in order to move on with your life in peace. That’s the point of letting go, I think. Not to pretend that it never happened or to always feel regret, but to find a way to be at peace with loss. That probably sounds very zen, but it’s certainly easier said than done.

From Above.

via cussyeah-wesanderson

I saw this video on Things Organized Neatly the other day and was very quickly in a state of deep swoon. Wes Anderson has such a distinct filmmaking style, and overhead shots of people doing things with their hands are like one of his signature moves. There’s so much attention to detail in these shots and so much that can be conveyed without words or even facial expressions, it kind of blows my mind. It seems like forever since Wes Anderson has released a film, so it was very good news to hear that his newest, Moonrise Kingdom, is set for release this year. It looks amazing and I can’t wait to see it!

VLOG: Movies That Make Me Cry.

I’m starting to dig this vlog thing. They’re really fun to make, and I laugh like a moron to myself as I’m editing all of the clips together because it’s a very visual reminder of what a goober I am. What can I say? I’m easily entertained. Also, I use esoteric video editing software because I’m poor and my computer sucks. Please don’t judge me too harshly (you can judge me a little if you want).

The W Magazine video that I mention is actually a series of short clips of the likes of Brad Pitt and Charlize Theron and Elizabeth Olsen and Colin Firth and others, all of which are really great. My favorite one is Christopher Plummer’s (“Buckets of tears. Buckets!”), so if you only watch one, watch that one. All of the videos can be seen here.

P.S. FRENCH BRAIDS 4 LYFE

Film Characters I’ve Wanted To Date.

 Tom Hansen, 500 Days of Summer
He loves The Smiths, he wears sweater vests, and he does a mean karaoke rendition of “Here Comes Your Man.” What’s not to like? The thing I love most about Tom is that he’s an unabashed romantic; macho stereotypes be damned, he’s in love and he’s going to shout it from the rooftops! Or at least do a choreographed dance to a Hall and Oates song with strangers on the street and an animated bluebird. How did Summer not love him? It was totally her loss.

Rick Blaine, Casablanca
Much like Ilsa, I have a fondness for older men who are strong, silent types. Of all the gin joints in all the towns in all the world, Ilsa walks into his, and though he tries to play it cool and tough, it’s obvious his heart is still all aflutter at the sight of her after all those years. Even though Rick would have you believe that he won’t stick his neck out for anyone, he has an undeniable soft spot for the underdog and goes to great lengths to help Ilsa’s husband flee Casablanca, with Ilsa, because it’s the right thing to do. We owe our thanks to Rick for helping bring World War II to an end, and that’s not nothing!

 Duckie Dale, Pretty In Pink
Andrew McCarthy’s richie rich Blaine is technically the babely leading man in this film, but Duckie steals the show with his stylish get-ups, his Otis Redding impression, and his undying devotion to Andie (Molly Ringwald). He’s the steadfast best friend, who, even though he knows he doesn’t have much of a chance, is full of earnest compliments (“May I admire you again today?”) and is perpetually waiting in the wings for the chance to be the boyfriend. You can be my boyfriend, Duck Man!

Will Hunting, Good Will Hunting
Not only is Will a babe, he’s also, in the words of his friend, WICKED SMART; dude can solve the most complex math equations in his sleep without breaking a sweat, basically. He may be a little rough around the edges, but he’s a genius who doesn’t brag, and whose loyalty to his friends runs deep. That counts for a lot. Also, his Boston accent makes me melt a little. How do I like them apples? I like them very much, thank you.

George Bailey, It’s A Wonderful Life
George is like the perfect boy-next-door: he knows everyone in town, and what’s more, he’s kind to everyone in town; he has a huge heart and is generous to the point of self-sacrifice; he’s adventurous and enthusiastic and romantic without even trying very hard. Not only is he a great husband to the delightful Mary, but he’s also a great son and brother and father and friend. He’s the whole package. I dream of someday loving someone as wonderful as George Bailey and if he were real, I’d have married him by now.

Patrick Verona, 10 Things I Hate About You
Patrick is one of the few “bad boys” I’ve ever been attracted to. He smokes and hangs out in pool halls and is generally an ill-tempered social outcast who initially accepts payment from the icky Joey Donner to date Kat (Julia Stiles), but the instant he belts out a marching band-backed rendition of “Can’t Take My Eyes Off Of You” in front of the entire girls’ soccer team to get her attention, you know he has a heart of gold. In the end, he turns out to be a pretty great guy who also has great taste in I’m Sorry gifts.

Lloyd Dobler, Say Anything
I once found a t-shirt at Goodwill with Lloyd Dobler’s face and the words “To know Lloyd Dobler is to love him” emblazoned on it, and I’ve always found this to be true. Yes, he wears a trench coat and has that nervous talking thing and is reeeeeally into kick-boxing (it’s the sport of the future, you know), but he’s so kind and so open and he’ll be the keymaster at parties who keeps drunk people from driving home and he’ll keep you from stepping in broken glass when you’re not paying attention and he’ll hold up a really heavy boombox blasting Peter Gabriel’s “In Your Eyes” as a way of saying he misses you. Lloyd Dobler is perfection.

Hollywood Story Pt. 3: The After Party.

After the premiere ended and we were all coming down from the high of hearing the boys’ song on the big screen, we all set about trying to muster a second wind for the after party. The boys, armed with their clever business cards, were looking forward to mingling and networking with some industry peeps, whereas I was more interested in the ritzy locale, the whisperings of an open bar, and the prospect of rubbing elbows with more celebrities. Through the throng of fans and lookers-on, we set out on foot for our journey toward the after party. After about three blocks, my feet had to be liberated from the prison that was my heels.

 Jill and I are locking pinkies like true 7th grade BFFs.

 Outside the after party location, the W Hotel

The after party was absolutely ridiculous. And when I say ridiculous, what I mean is that the only reason I know it was real is because I have photos; otherwise, I would wave it away as a dream. It was on the roof of the W Hotel, so it was an open-air set up centered around a pool, with a projection of the word “Abduction” sparkling on the surface of the water, that was lined with canopied cabanas that were furnished with lush furniture and flat-screen TVs… JUST FOR PEOPLE TO HANG OUT IN. It was incredible. I grabbed a drink, met some interesting people, snagged hors d’oeuvres from trays that passed by, grabbed another drink, talked to more people, and for the remainder of the night was basically in a state of disbelief at what an unexpected and peculiar situation I was a part of.

Yes, we met Taylor Lautner (I know, right?!). In the spirit of full disclosure, I will admit that I was wholly unimpressed by Taylor before this experience: I didn’t think he was attractive, I didn’t think he was a good actor, and I was generally just uninterested in anything he was a part of. But, after meeting him and interacting with him for a few brief moments, I can confidently say that 1) he is REALLY handsome in real life, and 2) he seems like a genuinely nice guy. I found myself comparing him to Selena Gomez at the theatre, and noting that he seemed much more open to really engaging his fans: even though he was at an after party where he was supposed to be able to relax, he indulged all of the people who formed a line to meet him by posing for pictures, signing autographs and graciously bantering with us lowly commonfolk. He just seemed happy, and humble, and far from the point of being jaded by fame. And to me, that was impressive. I think it’s safe to say that I’ve converted to Team Taylor for life.

At 2am, we rolled out onto the streets of Hollywood. This time my heels came off immediately.

We had passed by a hot dog cart earlier in the evening, and were lucky enough to chance upon the last cart still open for business at that hour. It was just a cute little lady with a portable grill on a cart, but she made some truly divine LA dogs. Oh man. It was like heaven in my mouth.

By the time we got back to our sleeping quarters, it was 3am; we had to leave for the airport at 5am. So we all power-napped for two hours and then awoke, listless and bleary-eyed, to begin our return trip back to reality.