Dear Netflix and Hulu, the fact that your websites don’t stream video outside the United States is making it much more difficult than it should be to keep up with my television shows. Thanks for nothing.
Dear Zooey Deschanel, I’ve given The New Girl a chance, and I’m sorry, but the show is almost unwatchable. Your hair always looks really nice, though.
Dear Housecats, please stop shitting in the children’s beds. I beg of you.
Dear Nutella, I’m downright ashamed that my fellow Americans have failed to realize how wonderful you truly are. Rest assured, you have a fan in me for life.
Dear Nowak, I’ve discovered the Dutch equivalent to Man Pies, but nothing compares to the original. I demand that we rendezvous in Bellingham when I return to share a pie.
Dear Skype technology, I have so much respect and admiration for what you do and for the way you allow me to stay connected with the people I love overseas, but could you allow me to stay connected for more than 20 minutes before dropping the call?
Dear Nate, 10 days. I can scarcely breathe from the excitement.
Dear the Pope, I’m looking forward to your blessing on Christmas.