I stumbled upon this post by Jeremy Larson a couple weeks back, and ended up perusing a good portion of the archives on Today’s Letters. It’s so delightful! I’ve always loved writing/reading/receiving letters, and I think these short little letters speak volumes very quietly and cleverly. I wish I had been cool enough to think of this idea first, but I wasn’t, so I’ll just borrow it and form it to my own personal parameters, hoping that one day I’ll think of something brilliant and heartfelt first.
Dear Markle Sparkle and Mackadocious, I like to think of us as a trifecta of awesome. True happiness, for me, is listening to the two of you quote The Departed repeatedly ad nauseum. It never gets old. I look forward to a great deal of rabble-rousing in Austin with you two foul-mouthed hosers.
Dear Rebecca Black, I sing your song at work every Friday without fail. I can’t help it, even though all of my co-workers threaten to put me in a headlock if I don’t stop.
Dear Judson, sometimes I miss high school, but only because I miss sneaking out in the wee hours of the night and TPing houses with you.
Dear Everyone in America Who Is Rejoicing Over the Death of Osama bin Laden, I understand on principle where you’re coming from, but I feel sad that you are so pleased that he’s dead. Patriotism is all good and fine, but we are humans first and Americans second. Let’s not act like barbarians, shall we?
Dear Future Dog, even though I make fun of ladies who dress up their dogs like little humans, I know that when I bring you into my life that I will most certainly become that crazy dog lady that I make fun of. I will try to dress you as tastefully as possible (probably in argyle polo shirts and cable-knit sweaters, if that’s okay) and always respect your canine dignity.
Dear Nate, Seizing the day has served us well, I think. I feel simultaneously lucky and dumbfounded by my luck.
Dear Bekah, I feel like a very uninteresting person in your presence. You are what Kerouac was talking about when he said “The only ones for me are the mad ones.” Being around you makes me feel hyper-alive, much like I imagine bungee-jumping or skydiving would make me feel. You are a cool breeze whipping through the tree limbs of my life, and that makes me close my eyes and smile contentedly.
Dear Lady Gaga, do you offer summer internships? I would love to do a job shadow with you.
Dear Ex-Boyfriend, thank you for breaking up with me. Seriously, thank you so much for letting go when I was unwilling and unable to. Your leaving me has opened up my life to many beautiful and exciting things and people that I would have missed out on otherwise, because let’s face it, you were always holding me back. You’ve also made my parents incredibly happy.
Dear Groupon Writers, I have a deep appreciation and admiration for your witty writing. Reading the little synopses on the daily deals often makes me snort-laugh with delight, and then the people in my office give me funny looks, like “She keeps laughing to herself… is she mentally unhinged?” Keep doing what you’re doing, for you do it very well.
Dear Mark, remember that one time that we dated and I got my wisdom teeth taken out and you decided to shave off your beard that same day because you thought I would be too drugged out to notice it was gone and then I got really upset with you? I know you think I overreacted, but I think I would probably react the same way now if it happened again, with you or with anyone. Beards are nothing to joke about.