finals: done. i am one quarter away from graduating, and the thought of it makes me want to dance for joy while simultaneously sticking my head in a garbage disposal.
i went to my english department’s christmas party last friday, and it was a mixed bag. i tried to get my english major bestie to accompany me as my wingman, but he bailed at the last minute, so i flew solo. it was incredibly depressing in the sense that it made me realize that, even though i’ve made a lot of progress in the past couple years, i still have a long way to go in overcoming my shyness and social anxiety. most of the students i didn’t know really well, and it seemed like everyone came in a group and they all clung together… and there were so many damn people in a small small room that it got so hot and sweaty and uncomfortable. i had to keep escaping to the kitchen for air and it was kind of awkward. i just hung on the side wall and acted as the silent observer (a role i have perfected). eventually i started talking to some of the professors, and stopped hating my life. i had some really good conversations with different professors about new award-winning books, the amanda knox trial, gender roles in vampire narratives, racial tensions in the south, and women in my age group who perceive children as life-ruiners. i love my professors: they are equal parts brilliant and hilarious and profoundly kind. somehow i know how to talk to them without feeling extreme discomfort, just not my peers. i am abnormal. i hate it.
on a completely different note, all upper-middle class homes in seattle look exactly the same… same squeaky hardwood floors, same room setups, same crown molding. just an observation.