i’m a shameful example of the american practice of rushing time: paige shared with me a strategy she uses to help her fall asleep… she counts slowly from one to ten, visually focusing on each number in her mind, and then counts back from ten to one, and then repeats until she falls asleep. i’ve tried this out a couple times, but with every number i imagine, the proceeding number superimposes itself over the number i’m trying to focus on. i can’t not speed through it and slow time. i’m a creature of habit.

sharon olds blows my mind. she is so unabashedly in touch with her body; her poetry is kind of grotesque, but so incredibly powerful. it’s like her poems have an appendage that reaches out of the page and grabs hold of my heart and my stomach simultaneously, and just squeezes. i want to go to nyu for grad school just so i can be on the same campus as her.

i’ve decided i’m not getting married until everyone can. it may be a while.

i’ve gotten a lot of peace offerings and concessions lately, but none from the person i want one from most.



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