see ya.

so i had a weird and deeply personal question posed to me (sort of inappropriately) via text message today:

“if you had to kill yourself, what song would you play? the only rules are you cannot pick a beatles or rilo kiley song. and would your hypothetical way of ending yourself have an impact on your song choice?”

i’ve thought a lot about how i would kill myself if i felt so driven to do so, and the only way i can see myself extinguishing my own life is by running my car in my garage until i asphyxiate. all of my other options require more trouble than they’re worth, in my opinion… like buying a gun to shoot myself or climbing on top of a building to jump off of. i don’t want to exert myself in my last moments. i would want it to be familiar and easy. i’d get in my car, like i’ve done a thousand times before, and start the engine and just wait. i’d probably be smoking a cigarette with the windows rolled down.

with this idea in mind for my hypothetical suicide, i’ve assembled a top ten list of songs that i would want to die listening to.

1. ‘alison’ by elvis costello

2. ‘i’ll be yr bird’ by m. ward

3. ‘lover you should have come over’ by jeff buckley

4. ‘the queen is dead, take me back to dear old blighty’ or ‘how soon is now’ by the smiths

5. ‘monument’ by mirah

6. ‘hotel chelsea nights’ by ryan adams

7. ‘vienna’ by billy joel

8. ‘jesus etc.’ by wilco

9. ‘rebel rebel’ by david bowie

10. ‘racing like a pro’ or ‘fake empire’ by the national

11. ‘all the young dudes’ by mott the hoople

obviously, the person who posed this question to me knows me well enough to know that i live the beatles and breathe rilo kiley. if these two weren’t disqualified, here are some more options.

the beatles:
‘happiness is a warm gun’
‘oh darling!’
‘you never give me your money’
‘strawberry fields forever’

rilo kiley:
‘we’ll never sleep (god knows we’ll try)’
‘picture of success’
‘with arms outstretched’
[which, in all likelihood, would be the song that ushered me into death]

on a happier note, i’m going to see cansei de ser sexy and tilly & the wall the day after i get back to seattle. score.


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